Dear Reader,
I’ve been both: the working mom, the ‘girl boss’, the hustle mindset as well as the slow morning, take your time, slow mentality. And I’ve been a mom through both. So first of all, before we even dive any deeper, Don’t Shame Either Mom!! We are all going through phases and eventually we are going to encounter an entirely different version of ourselves and motherhood. It may even be one that our younger self would’ve never imagined. But you never know what the future holds so please, stop shaming the stay at home mom or the working mom. I’m so sick of seeing this divide.
When I was a full-time working mom with kids in daycare, I knew they were being so incredibly well taken care of and for me, with where I was as a mother, they were doing a better job than I could’ve been doing at that time. It’s true! I was either at the time with my oldest as a newborn and toddler on Active Duty Army, an obligation I couldn’t just snap my fingers and get out of and with my youngest, I was struggling so deeply with depression and my mental health that those daycare teachers were heaven-sent for me.
I also had dreams of “freedom”, of not collecting a W9, of checking in with a boss or, god-forbid, punching a time card. I knew I did not want to hold a 9-5 past 40 years old, so I spent those very early years working my ass off for the financial means to walk away from a job, not have my lack of predictable income hurt the household finances and get to do things the way we wanted to. Now, at that time I never pictured homeschooling my kids, but somethings that were on my bucket list were to have on-location field trips and specific coaches and teachers for our kids - so the idea was marinating, just not in the way I was imagining.
So when I see a person offended by an 8 second clip on instagram about a mom choosing a slow Thursday with their kids over a hurried one getting the kid out of the door to daycare or school, and they are defending why they work or put their kid in school or whatever, this is what I have to say:
You don’t know what that woman did to get to where she is now. For me, I burned the candle at both ends and I still burn it with 3:30 am wakeups to maintain this lifestyle because what matters most to be is more important than 9 hours of sleep.
Stop being offended that a mom chooses to be with her kids during the day. I see a lot of trauma coming through in these comments. Your rights aren’t disappearing due to a woman’s choice to stay home.
Your future is totally different from your now.
Stop putting someone else down in order to build yourself up. Hello, petty. We’re not in high school.
Use the energy you’re exerting to put someone down on social media to go read a book, listen to a podcast, journal, dream, GRIND, in order to change your trajectory.
So many poeple will say “oh but you can afford it.”
Would you like to know why?
I haven’t had Starbucks in months - I make my own coffee at home
We still eat out more than I’d like, but 6 days a week at least we have homecooked food
I don’t get mani’s or pedi’s
I don’t get botox, lashes or fillers
I don’t hop on the latest trends and must haves.
When I shop, I shop for what I like, not the latest trends or must haves. I am comfortable in my own skin, not peer pressure. If I see it on Instagram, I don’t have to buy it.
JUST DO YOU!
Just understand that not everyones in the same chapter as you, that life can get sticky and we’re doing our best.And for some the best isn’t good enough so they are striving for more,. If you feel you are doing the absolute best you can right now for your family, don’t listen to the noise and to those who subliminally know they aren’t doing their best and are feeling offended when other moms post, just keep your nonsense to yourself.